8 Years and Beyond.

A week of celebrations, that is what I am calling this week. Most are calling them goodbyes, I am calling them celebrations. Today marks the biggest one yet. It is our last service at St.Giles Kingsway and The Well.



Bryn and I arrived in Etobicoke nearly 8 years ago. I was very pregnant with our soon to be daughter and we settled in quickly. The church, then just St.Giles Kingsway soon became our home. We met amazing friends we soon would call family and we fell in love with our community. Soon after the start of the The Well in September 2008, I knew that this was my place to be. To see God at work within our community. To see people of all ages becoming family, it was a special time. Just considering a transition away was impossible and honestly never crossed my mind.




All of that changed when Bryn was pursued by a church in Nassau. I would encourage you to read his story on that because it really is quite incredible, take a look at his blog entry entitled Preaching in Paradise part 2 . This forced me to consider life elsewhere, and to be honest I did put up a huge fight. I really did not want to go, to leave my career, to leave my church family and my community. No thanks I was quite content, I was sure God was just joking. Apparently not. Another day I will blog about all that God did in my heart and life to convince me of where He needed the MacPhails, but today is about celebrating.



Some would suggest that today we say Good bye, I say no way, remember I do not do goodbyes but I will celebrate our time together. Some would say we celebrate the ending of 8 years, I say we celebrate those 8 years and beyond. See being a Christian means that for me that is merely a continuation of a story (God`s story not just Allie`s story). It is not an ending, friendships will continue (even for those of you who think this is the end). The way I think of SGK and The Well as my family will continue, I might become more like that obscure Aunt you see only at Christmas but you will still be my family. God has used these 8 years to solidify who I am and who you are in my life, distance cannot change that. So I am choosing to celebrate today the 8 years I have been so blessed to have and I am celebrating the beyond. For beyond these 8 years are 8 more years to cherish what the Lord as given me here in Etobicoke. Please know you will forever be in my hearts and on my phone lines and in my guest room and in my email in box. You are forever my family.

Life is Messy

Life is messy.

Life is complicated.

Life is exhausting.

I am fairly sure most would agree with those statements. It does seem that just as we think we can handle no more, we are asked to. Knees buckle, stomachs lurches, tears fall. Today was one of those unbelievable almost impossible days. Life right now is messy, complicated and baffling. Right now I sit with knees buckled underneath me, stomach hardened by the day and tears on my face. But I want you to know, it is doable, it is possible and there is hope. I have no answers for today, just more questions, but I do have hope. I have hope that no matter what may come there is a plan that uses mess to change people. I have hope that what seems complicated will clarify with time. I have hope that what has exhausted me will allow me to feel better the energy of tomorrow. Seems crazy that I can say that but I can in all sincerity. God is at work in my heart and there is nothing like a messy, complicated and exhausting day that helps me realize this. So while I would wish for this to be taken away from me, I will not for I am certain that in this messy, complicated and exhausting time I am being shaped for God’s glory.

Countdown

Last week my husband posted on his facebook status that we had only 40 days left until we become Bahamian residents. "40 days!" said I. "40 days " gasp "@#%&!" What? When I last counted there were 72 left how did it get to 40? "The passing of an entire month" said my sarcastic inner voice. "That was not helpful", I said back " do not make fun of this, 40 days is not a lot. 40 days, isn't that how long really good yogi's can go without food? Yikes! How can I possibly get done all I need to within 40 days!" So I went on like that in my head for a good day.. making it 39, then 38... you get the picture.

Countdowns are traditionally exciting, I remember counting down to Christmas, counting down to my vacation, and counting down to when I was told to expect my first child. Countdowns are meant to create suspense and excitement for a big event. This countdown, it is a big event but it is a sober one right now and it is hard to remain focused on the excitement.

I want to say that I know Bahamas is where we are suppose to be, that without a doubt Bahamas will be exciting and quite an adventure for the MacPhail family. But right now for me June 3rd, the end of the countdown, will not end with fireworks or a party, for me it will end with a tearful Allie boarding the plane trying to be brave.

"Okay enough of my pity party" said the voice of internalize mom

" I think you need a new countdown, one that has fireworks, one that has a party."

I agree but with that goal in mind I also need a change of perspective. A countdown that says hello instead of goodbye, a countdown that starts something and does not feel like an ending. Okay here goes. June 3rd, say around dinner time. The MacPhails and their animals will have safely arrived and would be in their new home. Picture them awaiting the delivery of the best pizza ever tasted (Marco's pizza in Bahamas is incredible) being together just them, celebrating the amazingness of God. Boom! fireworks light the sky, (okay for our purpose an amazing sunset will do) a party starts (the incredible volume of the stray dogs in the neighbourhood baying at darkening sky will have to do). AHHHHH that is better, more doable. I know there will be more heartache in the goodbyes left to do and more sweat in the packing but I know God is good and is in all of this..so really who needs a countdown, June 3rd is just a continuation of a journey, it is simply taking a sharp right turn south that day.

Book Endings

Ever mourn getting to the end of a good book with such intensity that you actually put off reading the last few pages? I have, but only with a few amazing books.(ask me for my book list some time) That feeling is kind of like what I have been experiencing about leaving Toronto. It has been such a great experience here, the characters in my story became my dear friends, the settings became my home and playground, the drama shaped my character and the plot given to me was complex as a wife, mom, daughter, friend, therapist and court jester. I have fallen in love with my Toronto story. I do have many regrets and if I were to do a analysis I know I would find very clearly a flawed main character in myself. I regret not spending more time with family and friends when I had the chance, I regret ever telling my daughter and husband that I was too busy with work to hangout with them, I regret not getting more involved in my community and I regret not being there as my clients reach their future goals. Most of all I regret that for most of the Toronto story I truly believed it was about Me as the main character, I regret the glory I tried to take when it should have been given to God. I know I am at the end of my Toronto book. I am forcing myself to continue on, but I dread the turn of every page that I see in the packing of each box or goodbye to each client, or the lunches I have with friends and family. My Toronto book is ending but I am confident there will be a sequel with many of the same characters but in a whole knew setting. So for now I will hold tight to my Toronto book, savoring each word, character and event. Then I must wait patiently for The author to write the sequel, and trust that in each word He writes, in all the new characters I meet and every new setting I will see the evidence that The Author's pen is creating a story that does not shine on myself as the main character but on Him, as my Creator and Sustainer.

The excitment of a story unknown

It was made official on March 14 2010, my family was being uprooted to Paradise. I should explain briefly, but I will be brief as that whole story will be another blog for another time. We are moving to Nassau Bahamas, (10 minutes from Paradise island..thus the Paradise reference) in June. We are moving from our cosy Etobicoke neighbourhood, from our amazing neighbours, from our shell-shocked church family and our slightly excited but saddened family.
We are selling most of our possessions, taking a huge cut in our combined salaries and removing ourselves from most that we know and love. Curious? Intrigued? Me too.
Bottom line is this, this story is and will be a story of how God has moved the MacPhails but it is not a story that I have read yet, I have tried to write it according to my own desires but I am fairly certain that I am not the right author to write this one, so I am left with the humble position of being the author who writes about being part of this story not yet done. I need to process this story as it unfolds, I need to try to make sense of it as it is revealed, that is what this blog is about. I am about to be uprooted from my cosy existence to a life not yet known, kinda scary for a home girl like me. I am about to discover so much about how God works in and through me for His story. Stay tuned, story to continue ....