Hi my name is Allie, can you knock me out please ?

What About Bob, one my favourite movies of all times. In one scene Bob a boards a bus to find his psychologist who is on vacation. This is a big move for Bob as he is afraid of leaving his apartment (among many other things..) anyway Bob boards the bus and the first person he meets he asks to knock him out. I guess Bob just did not want to handle the scary messy part of getting to where he needed to go and felt the bus ride would only be manageable if unconscious.



I kinda feel like that today, for the next three weeks things are going to be kinda rough. Out of the next 35 clients, I have 22 final goodbyes. We have our last St.Giles Kingsway/ The Well church service this coming Sunday. I have my last book club, our last connect group and at this point I am treating any dinners/lunches and coffee dates as my last on Canadian soil. Most of which are crammed in the next 2 weeks. Lots of "see you laters", I hate goodbyes. I am also at the nit picky part of packing, still ready to just set fire to things I cannot make my mind up about the decision of where to send it.


Hi, My name is Allie, can you knock me out please?


I would to like just wake up and start life in Nassau and skip all the "see you laters" and final sessions and boxes..really I would! But I realize however, that would be a cop out. The transitional phase of something is perhaps one of they most important phases there is. It is a stage of uncertainty, exhaustion from second guessing and emotionally going between the now and will be. But the transitional phase is one that in the end brings about some sort of transformation. Sure my home is literally being transformed, my career is being transformed, my way of life is being transformed but more importantly I am being transformed from the inside out. That is painfully awesome.


Yes, I would prefer to drop in to a coma and awaken transformed but that is not how it works. I am ending well, I know I am. I am tired but I am determined to not regret or sleep through what I want to leave here in Canada these next 3 weeks. So if I ask you to knock me out..please do not listen to me, I will thank you later.

Countdown

Last week my husband posted on his facebook status that we had only 40 days left until we become Bahamian residents. "40 days!" said I. "40 days " gasp "@#%&!" What? When I last counted there were 72 left how did it get to 40? "The passing of an entire month" said my sarcastic inner voice. "That was not helpful", I said back " do not make fun of this, 40 days is not a lot. 40 days, isn't that how long really good yogi's can go without food? Yikes! How can I possibly get done all I need to within 40 days!" So I went on like that in my head for a good day.. making it 39, then 38... you get the picture.

Countdowns are traditionally exciting, I remember counting down to Christmas, counting down to my vacation, and counting down to when I was told to expect my first child. Countdowns are meant to create suspense and excitement for a big event. This countdown, it is a big event but it is a sober one right now and it is hard to remain focused on the excitement.

I want to say that I know Bahamas is where we are suppose to be, that without a doubt Bahamas will be exciting and quite an adventure for the MacPhail family. But right now for me June 3rd, the end of the countdown, will not end with fireworks or a party, for me it will end with a tearful Allie boarding the plane trying to be brave.

"Okay enough of my pity party" said the voice of internalize mom

" I think you need a new countdown, one that has fireworks, one that has a party."

I agree but with that goal in mind I also need a change of perspective. A countdown that says hello instead of goodbye, a countdown that starts something and does not feel like an ending. Okay here goes. June 3rd, say around dinner time. The MacPhails and their animals will have safely arrived and would be in their new home. Picture them awaiting the delivery of the best pizza ever tasted (Marco's pizza in Bahamas is incredible) being together just them, celebrating the amazingness of God. Boom! fireworks light the sky, (okay for our purpose an amazing sunset will do) a party starts (the incredible volume of the stray dogs in the neighbourhood baying at darkening sky will have to do). AHHHHH that is better, more doable. I know there will be more heartache in the goodbyes left to do and more sweat in the packing but I know God is good and is in all of this..so really who needs a countdown, June 3rd is just a continuation of a journey, it is simply taking a sharp right turn south that day.

Lessons from an Egg

Today I successfully poached my first egg. After years of trying then giving up I thought I would never achieve such an elusive goal. I figured I was doomed to enjoy these delicate buttery beauties only within the confines of diners and greasy spoons. How is it you wonder that I have achieved his amazing goal. I was told a secret, a secret so special that only the best greasy spoon chefs know and now I count myself among the elite!!
Is that wrong? Is it wrong to be so amazed at an accomplishment that in the end really does not count for much? Maybe, eggs no matter how well done they are, are just eggs. In the end of all things will my ability to poach eggs make a difference in the world? I am fairly safe answering that ponder with a big old NO. So why blog about this.. really Allie why?
I will tell you, I had given up, I had resigned myself that nothing will change with my egg poaching ability and I will never achieve success so I choose to forget it. But then a secret came my way via a friend, who knew of my long standing but dusty desire of wanting to poach the perfect egg. He told me, I tried it and it worked.
I was amazed at the simplicity the secret contained. There was not a huge long list of steps, the hardest part of this process was the addition of the ingredients, humility and patience. Then it hit me, I am kind of treating my move to Nassau and my role on that Island like I did with elusive goal of the perfectly poached egg. I kept trying to figure out what else I could be doing, how else to achieve it and how hard to go after things.. then as I stared into the pot of my poaching egg. "Be patient" screamed the little egg. I realized..wait.. this is being perfectly planned, but with time I will not know right now. I will be able to see the desired outcome, in time.
I also heard as the egg cooked slowly, the words "Be humble." I did not force that egg to cook, it was cooking because it was in the right environment. It really was not my amazing chef abilities which cooked that egg it was my humility to let the water reach the right temperature, the entry of the egg into the said water and the added secret ingredient which poached that egg so wonderfully. I really had very little to do with it. As the words Be Humble came at me I realized that it is not really what I can do or add to this process, God has it prepared and I simply need to be a willing vessel in order to see it to complete (this incidentally is where my egg analogy breaks down for what egg in their right mind desires to be poached). So from now on I will stop fearing the nothing that seems to be waiting in Nassau for I know that is simply not true, I will try to be humble and know that I am simply part of a really amazing plan. I will try to be patient enough recognize the God's timing of this recipe And I will pray that I be able to hear when the Master Chef is announcing "order is up!"