Unspoken Love

Sounds like a title of some Harlequin romance novel does it not? Permit me to be a bit flowery for this blog, for my heart is demanding it. Last night my family and I went to a friends house for a dinner in our honour and for the purpose of sending us off well. We were 5 couples in total. Five couples who have been together as friends for a very very long time. Some from my husbands camp days, some from our early married years (15+ years!!) and others honestly I cannot remember the moment we befriended them but it feels as though they have always been in our lives. These are friends who cry with us, pray with us and laugh (a lot with us). I adore them, I feel so comfortable with them, I love them.


Last night as we approached the venue, anxiety set in, questions flew around in my head. What if tonight is just about crying about the upcoming proximity changes to our friendships. What if I cannot keep it together and make my last moments with them for a while just a big blubbering mess? My thoughts kept flashing faster and faster and before I knew it we were there. I approached the door with my heart pounding knowing that this night will be special but would I be able to bear it?


We were welcomed with our usual hugs and then something amazing happened. We carried on as usual, there were some tears but mostly laughter about stupid things we, okay mostly I, have done there were questions about expectations, talk of our children, we even did what looked like a break out session as the women stayed in the living room to chat and the boys remained on the back porch around the BBQ. All things we do when we gather together for no special reason.


It was an ordinary evening in so many ways, yet I was in awe of the love that I felt surrounded me. See, as we went through the evening I began to notice so many signs of our unspoken love for one another. I would occasionally catch the eye of one them and notice a slight tear and a knowing smile that said you will be missed my friend. The lulls that happen in normal conversation were not one of the awkward silences that one would typically expect but instead those moments were filled with the silence of sobered hearts waiting for things to change. I have never been hugged or physically touched so much and I loved it.


But I said nothing. I could not speak of my heavy heart, I could not start my flow of tears I could not.. It is not that they are not allowed, if you know me you know I love emotions, it is not only my job as therapist it is my personality to encourage and live fully in the moment. So no, sadness was not banned or black listed I just put it aside last night on purpose. The purpose was to live fully in the moment with my friends and celebrate the amazing blessing they have been and I know they will continue to be in my life. I hope and pray they felt the message I brought with me last night, a message that was unspoken but loud. The message I want to speak was this:

I love you all, I celebrate you all and I cherish you all, thank you for your amazing friendships and I cannot wait to see how the distance we will soon incur will strength the bonds of our hearts.
You are God's blessing to me and I thank you for loving me like you do.

Shine on My Friends
Allie

The Forgotten

I stood looking at my kitchen in awe. I had achieved a great feat, I had gone through all the cupboards, drawers and pantry. They were full, now barren with the exception of the necessities which get packed last minute. I was so proud, my body language was full of "look what I did" I felt like a conqueror, an attentive to details, overlooking nothing!! Moi! Me!! I was beaming, sweaty and so pleased with myself. I filled my glass with water and leaned back against the counter, satisfied with the huge accomplishment.

I rolled my neck around a bit to sooth the achy muscles, it was then I notice it. The forgotten cupboard. You know the one above your fridge that is set about 2 feet behind the front of the fridge making it impossible to get at and even with a chair it is so high that you always need to bend like Gumby to get at its contents? Yeah, that one.






There it was sulking that I had forgotten to be attentive to it. I was so upset, that drink of water was about to be they most satisfying drink and now I was forced to put it down because to celebrate something undone was not right. I wanted to turn the other way, to refuse to acknowledge the existence of such a stupidly placed cupboard. Maybe, just maybe, I could force the idea of that cupboard out of my mind, then without guilt I could drink my water. I wanted to curse the carpenter who decided that people everywhere needed such a useless space. I wanted to whine, it was unfair I had to deal with this cupboard why not leave it for the new house occupants to discover its contents. Why me?

But you will be happy to know, I did deal with it. Not with the greatest of care, or sweetest disposition but I did. And I am happy I did for within it was one of Bryn's baby dishes so carefully cared for my his mom and passed on to Anya. Sure it had not been used in years but it was special and meant to be cherished. I felt bad for not cherishing it the way it had been for years, It was full of dust, and lonely in the cupboard, not treated the way it should have been. I cleaned it up, wrapped it carefully and placed it in the box with other special breakable things. It was were it belonged now. Now I could drink my water. I was done. I was challenged but it was worth it.

It got me thinking of how sometimes we feel forgotten, out of place, or unworthy of care.
We can feel we are like that out of the way cupboard that no one wants to open because it seems so awkward and daunting. Left alone for years to wonder "do we count?" Wondering if we were opened up would we scare others with what is inside, or would they find anything of use? Those are scary thoughts but you must know, that while people forget or cannot bring themselves to acknowledge the forgotten, God does not. He remembers His every creation, whether they hide behind the fridge or are in a spotlight. God will never run from us, it is us that runs from Him thinking we are worthy to be forgotten. Total lie! If you feel like The Forgotten, stop it. You are not and that is the truth. Know that sometime soon you will realize just how loved and cherished you are by the One who never forgets.
Shine On my Friends.

Sucker for Love

This blog is not about moving to Nassau.

It is however about the best TV show in the world which is coming to an end before I have to leave to Nassau. Warning, this blog contains Spoilers for the plot of the most amazing show ever..(did I say that already)
Alert!!!! read no further if you have not watched the show from last night


Last night I was of course watching Lost, and this morning I again find tears in my eyes from the long awaited reunion of Jin and Sun a mere two weeks ago and their very tragic death just last night. I cannot believe they are no more. The Jin and Sun love story for me was the most captivating story on the show. You can pick my brain on specifics in person another time but you must know that in their story was forgiveness, growth, endurance, mistakes, and rebirth. It was stunning to watch and I will miss those characters very much. Jin and Sun's story spanned continents, death and decades (if you think in terms of time travel like most lost fans do).

Why am I such a sucker for a good love story? A good love story involves forgiveness of past trespasses, acceptance of human flaws and frailty and the ability to relate. A good love story in my opinion makes you believe that is it possible to feel loved, which is something that everyone needs, wants and seeks. Why I love a love story on TV or in a good book is because for me it is a reminder of that at my core is the desire to know I am loved. A kind of love which can overcome failure, mistakes and flaws. Yes, human love can give us some of that, but more importantly is the love God has for us. It is a love that is enduring and unshakable.

Jin and Sun knew that at least from a human perspective they are cherished, loved and sought after. I too am sought after, I am loved and I am cherished. Any my friend, so are you. God is the lover of my soul, God is the one who sought me out and God is the one who cherishes me as His child. So no matter where you are in life: single, married, working or not, full of faults, or unsure of your worth, God does cherish, love and seek after you.

You are loved.

Live Like you are Loved

This blog is not necessarily about the packing and sorting stage of my move that I usually write about, today it is about my life as a therapist as I have been saying goodbye to many of my clients I have realized that a few of life's lessons are meant for me not just those who sit in front of me.
I work as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I work almost exclusively with teens and their families and about 80% or more of my clients are girls ages 11-21. I Love my work, I love my girls, I adore their hearts, energy and creativity. I love being around them. However this week, if I had to say one more time."You are worth so much more than that" in regards to their choice of relationship, I think I might have snapped. It is not that I do not care, or am tired of them, it is quite the opposite really. I adore them and it hurts to hear their stories. It is just that I wonder if some of these girls will ever get the message, they are worth so much more than they are being treated. Most of the girls I talk to are in very very bad relationships. The stories I could tell would make you ill. These relationships are controlling, abusive, destructive and harmful. Even though, every day I sit with these girls and hear their individual stories I am always amazed at their inability to see just who they are and the value they have just because they are. They are blinded by what they think is love but in reality it is far from any love they want or need. I can clearly see in these girls their talents, their creativity and their uniqueness but they cannot, at least not yet. If they could, they would not continue accepting these harmful relationships. It truly breaks my heart. These girls are being hurt and disrespected. Even worse my girls end up believing they are worth being treated like that, and continue to accept any attention as good attention.

I was telling a friend this last night over dinner, that I felt like a broken record at work. When I reflected on the way home from dinner I sadly realized, I am not unlike these girls. In fact dare I say it, most of us are not totally unlike these girls. Often we unaware of our own worth. We cling to thoughts, things or people blinded by the idea that having them in our lives makes us more worthy, more accepted and more loved. In truth, our clinging to these things diminishes our value. It forces us to believe that this is all we are worth, nothing more.
I fear I cling to unhealthy things or ideas because maybe deep down I am not worth more. I am prone to clinging to things that can hurt me, slow me down and cause me to forget the amazing truth that I am His.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love (which I highly recommend if you want your world to be rocked) says "The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing that God treasures us." It seems so simple but friends it ain't. I challenge my girls to date according to what they are worth, to find a guy that admires her for strength, her ideas and just because she is a one of a kind unique amazing person. I also need to challenge myself to live according to my worth. That I am His, that God has made me for unique roles and will allow me to be a part of amazing experiences. What kind of life would I experience if I could live day to day like that? I think it would blow my mind the joy of living like I am loved. I think it would blow the worlds mind to see that there is better love to cling to than anything in this world, and He is waiting for you to cling to Him.

Just think for a moment, do you live like that? Sadly, I fear if you caught me in an everyday situation you might not even see evidence that I know that. Often I find myself wandering in my day to day actives not remembering that I am treasured, or that I am God's. He made me, and created me to be His, I am His treasure. How amazing that God who has all and is all thinks of me as his treasure. How horrible a reality to forget.

I realize this is more of a challenging post, but it was written for myself to remember to live like I am loved, and help show others they are loved too. If you happened to be challenged by that, I make no apologizes, Wanna know why? You were created for a purpose and you need to know, that you my friend are loved too!!!