Okay, today I have 7 different appointments to cover that are all in preparation for our leaving. Vets, dentists, doctors and finance.. crazy eh? (and yes I will continue to use if not increase my use of that truly Canadian saying.. so take off eh!) The weird thing is that I am kind of enjoying today's crazy schedule, it feels productive and while tiring, productive is helpful considering the massive task ahead of t moving countries. It is also a really good distraction from the huge lump in my throat and pit in my stomach, a distraction from what I describe as something like a fear. The truth is however, I am scared of nothing.. not that I do not have fears but that I am truly scared of doing nothing and being nothing. Nothing sometimes is what feels like is waiting for me in Bahamas. Here I am a therapist, Bahamas, nothing. Here I am part of a neighbourhood, there nothing, here I am a friend, there nothing.. Nothing nothing nothing.. I am scared. I know I will use my skills as a therapist somehow, I know I will become part of my neighbourhood, I know I will connect with new friends and I have no fear at losing the ones I have now..BUT that will be only with time. When all of that is taken away from me, in the first few days, weeks, and months what will be left? I pray that it is something. Something that for all the wrong reasons I have forgotten or pushed aside. Something that is so much a part of me that I perhaps took it for granted. Something that defines me as me, just as God intended.
One of the verses that has been a huge rock for me during all of this is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. That is something, that is not nothing. It is just lacking concrete human details, and brilliant pictures of those wonderful plans. I guess I needed to blog about this as a way to remind myself that I do not need concrete plans, or easy visuals, I need faith and hope to be able to continue. I have those, and because I know God both creates and sustains, I know that I will find that something. the big thing for me right now is that I want to remember this lesson forever that the best something is just being His. Now that is something!