Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Leaving A Mark
I was at my cottage these past two days for a bit of R & R with my husband. It was much needed considering all we have been doing and all we have ahead of us as we transition to Nassau. I am happy to report I am refreshed but in ways that are different than I thought I needed. I thought the two days were going to be peaceful and calm, but it would appear that God had other plans. From the outside I was calm and quiet but on the inside, the small world of Allie's brain was in overdrive. I found that I had trouble sleeping and sitting still (for those of you who know me you will not be surprised but this was over the top) I was restless and somewhat anxious, I suppose when I am moving around this energy is expelled but sitting with no boxes to pack, or rooms to sort left me feeling antsy.
At every corner of the cottage, rock in the yard or bug on the ground I found myself crying, a lot. I felt like I was saying goodbye. In my saying goodbye I strangely wondered if it would miss me, would there be a difference without Allie at the cottage. I know that makes me sound strange but I am so connected there I did wonder if Albert the chipmunk would miss the popcorn I put out or if Harry the hummingbird would wonder where the feeder went. The list went on and my tears poured out quite steadily. Finally I had enough with the tears and sadness, laced up my running shoes and went on my familiar run by the bog and up some amazing hills.
I do my best thinking when running, and this was no exception. During my run I remembered a sign post about 3km into my run that I have tagged with my chewed gum every time I run by. I wondered if anyone ever saw the sign post and wondered what the heck? I love drawing peoples attention away from their everyday lives to notice the extraordinary. I love my gum signpost. In a way, although I am sure somewhat illegal, that post helps me feel like I left my mark on the cottage road. In my mind, It meant "Allie was here and she dominated these hills", something to hang my hat on in a I count for something kind of way.
Then God said (Not audibly but that would have been cool) "Allie, enough, your mark on this world is not about popcorn, bird feed or even a sign full of gum. Your mark on this world is about Me, I use you wherever you are if you let Me. You have shone in this part of the world now it is time to shine in Nassau." The point was I think, that God needed me to remember I was here to shine for Him, not for me but for Him. I want to leave a mark anywhere I go and I know that for the most part I often fail at doing that, but this gum sign reminded me that God wants me to leave His mark on the world, not mine. It is a source of peace to know I do not have to contrive a plan for myself to know that I count, I do not need a gum sign to prove I have achieved something. What I need to do is shine for Him, tell others His story and hope that through me God's mark is left on others. Shine on my friends.