Countdown

Last week my husband posted on his facebook status that we had only 40 days left until we become Bahamian residents. "40 days!" said I. "40 days " gasp "@#%&!" What? When I last counted there were 72 left how did it get to 40? "The passing of an entire month" said my sarcastic inner voice. "That was not helpful", I said back " do not make fun of this, 40 days is not a lot. 40 days, isn't that how long really good yogi's can go without food? Yikes! How can I possibly get done all I need to within 40 days!" So I went on like that in my head for a good day.. making it 39, then 38... you get the picture.

Countdowns are traditionally exciting, I remember counting down to Christmas, counting down to my vacation, and counting down to when I was told to expect my first child. Countdowns are meant to create suspense and excitement for a big event. This countdown, it is a big event but it is a sober one right now and it is hard to remain focused on the excitement.

I want to say that I know Bahamas is where we are suppose to be, that without a doubt Bahamas will be exciting and quite an adventure for the MacPhail family. But right now for me June 3rd, the end of the countdown, will not end with fireworks or a party, for me it will end with a tearful Allie boarding the plane trying to be brave.

"Okay enough of my pity party" said the voice of internalize mom

" I think you need a new countdown, one that has fireworks, one that has a party."

I agree but with that goal in mind I also need a change of perspective. A countdown that says hello instead of goodbye, a countdown that starts something and does not feel like an ending. Okay here goes. June 3rd, say around dinner time. The MacPhails and their animals will have safely arrived and would be in their new home. Picture them awaiting the delivery of the best pizza ever tasted (Marco's pizza in Bahamas is incredible) being together just them, celebrating the amazingness of God. Boom! fireworks light the sky, (okay for our purpose an amazing sunset will do) a party starts (the incredible volume of the stray dogs in the neighbourhood baying at darkening sky will have to do). AHHHHH that is better, more doable. I know there will be more heartache in the goodbyes left to do and more sweat in the packing but I know God is good and is in all of this..so really who needs a countdown, June 3rd is just a continuation of a journey, it is simply taking a sharp right turn south that day.

Live Like you are Loved

This blog is not necessarily about the packing and sorting stage of my move that I usually write about, today it is about my life as a therapist as I have been saying goodbye to many of my clients I have realized that a few of life's lessons are meant for me not just those who sit in front of me.
I work as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I work almost exclusively with teens and their families and about 80% or more of my clients are girls ages 11-21. I Love my work, I love my girls, I adore their hearts, energy and creativity. I love being around them. However this week, if I had to say one more time."You are worth so much more than that" in regards to their choice of relationship, I think I might have snapped. It is not that I do not care, or am tired of them, it is quite the opposite really. I adore them and it hurts to hear their stories. It is just that I wonder if some of these girls will ever get the message, they are worth so much more than they are being treated. Most of the girls I talk to are in very very bad relationships. The stories I could tell would make you ill. These relationships are controlling, abusive, destructive and harmful. Even though, every day I sit with these girls and hear their individual stories I am always amazed at their inability to see just who they are and the value they have just because they are. They are blinded by what they think is love but in reality it is far from any love they want or need. I can clearly see in these girls their talents, their creativity and their uniqueness but they cannot, at least not yet. If they could, they would not continue accepting these harmful relationships. It truly breaks my heart. These girls are being hurt and disrespected. Even worse my girls end up believing they are worth being treated like that, and continue to accept any attention as good attention.

I was telling a friend this last night over dinner, that I felt like a broken record at work. When I reflected on the way home from dinner I sadly realized, I am not unlike these girls. In fact dare I say it, most of us are not totally unlike these girls. Often we unaware of our own worth. We cling to thoughts, things or people blinded by the idea that having them in our lives makes us more worthy, more accepted and more loved. In truth, our clinging to these things diminishes our value. It forces us to believe that this is all we are worth, nothing more.
I fear I cling to unhealthy things or ideas because maybe deep down I am not worth more. I am prone to clinging to things that can hurt me, slow me down and cause me to forget the amazing truth that I am His.

Francis Chan in his book Crazy Love (which I highly recommend if you want your world to be rocked) says "The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing that God treasures us." It seems so simple but friends it ain't. I challenge my girls to date according to what they are worth, to find a guy that admires her for strength, her ideas and just because she is a one of a kind unique amazing person. I also need to challenge myself to live according to my worth. That I am His, that God has made me for unique roles and will allow me to be a part of amazing experiences. What kind of life would I experience if I could live day to day like that? I think it would blow my mind the joy of living like I am loved. I think it would blow the worlds mind to see that there is better love to cling to than anything in this world, and He is waiting for you to cling to Him.

Just think for a moment, do you live like that? Sadly, I fear if you caught me in an everyday situation you might not even see evidence that I know that. Often I find myself wandering in my day to day actives not remembering that I am treasured, or that I am God's. He made me, and created me to be His, I am His treasure. How amazing that God who has all and is all thinks of me as his treasure. How horrible a reality to forget.

I realize this is more of a challenging post, but it was written for myself to remember to live like I am loved, and help show others they are loved too. If you happened to be challenged by that, I make no apologizes, Wanna know why? You were created for a purpose and you need to know, that you my friend are loved too!!!