Saturday, January 22, 2011

Second Chances

I picked them up on Wednesday, put them in my purse and walked away. I wanted to skip but needed to treasure the moment in my heart before anyone else noticed. They felt solid. They were all mine and I was flying. My little secrets stayed in my purse for a bit as I did a few errands. It was not until I got into my driveway that I took them out to stare and while still in my car gave a wee eeekkkk!! What lay in my hands were my new business cards. Simple in look but profound in statement about the goodness of God. They are a loud and clear message that I have been offered a second chance I am humbly willing to accept.

Want to know a secret?

When I left Toronto, I was not sure I was going to be able to practice down here. I was not sure I would be able to achieve a work permit never mind a place of employment. I left honestly believing I would be using my skills in other areas but never again to have a practice, this grieved my heart more than I can express. It broke me to leave my practice and the wounds have left deep scars. I will leave most of my scars untold as they are between myself and God but you must believe me, I truly thought God had called me out of my career through this move to Nassau. I was embarrassed that such a radical move was required, I was angry that it took such an extreme move to change me but in the end after much debate I trusted that God knew what was best.

As I prepared for my transition I spoke in optimist tones that I was going to do my best to find work in my field but deep down I knew God did not make this a guarantee. Fear and doubt plagued my heart often as I knew God was going to do something different with me in my new home. I feared I had failed at balancing my life and God had to cull my career as it was throwing me off balance, that unfortunately was true. I lacked balance in Toronto, I got too busy. Nassau, I thought must be God's way to call me back, to simplify my life and help me find how to live with the right priorities. So I came here with much humility but willing to listen for the first time in a long time to where God wanted me to be.

Nassau has indeed been a new ordering of priorities to me, and I am grateful for this wonderful new place to call home and that at least for these past 7 months I have lived with purpose and wonder of God's calling. But here is the kicker, a second change has come my way and now God has seen fit to give me a place to work, and yes I am thrilled and yes I plan on doing this with more intentional balance but does He not remember that I am the Allie that can bung anything up even if all I have to do is unwrap it?

This second chance has brought me to my knees and in earnestness I have pleaded that this is the right move. What I fear now is that I lose what I have found in Nassau, contentment with just being God's. When I have no career to talk about, when my schedule is not always productive that contentment comes not from what I am doing but who I am, God's child. I have learned that what I cherish and need the most is to listen to the One who made me so that I can be where and whom He wants me to be.

These new business cards mean a great deal to me. They could be a source of pride, they could become an all consuming career but what I want them to be a reminder that I have been given a second chance by a God who knows me, loves me and has a plan for me. I am excited to move forward with this but mostly I am excited to move forward with the sense of contentment that no business card can give, that I am His and He has me.

Shine on my friends in all you do. Paid, unpaid, seen unseen for you are His

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