No Ma'am!!!!

It was barely more than a whisper, but the word spoken meant more than I could cry out. It was uttered in a room with much going on but when heard other noises were hushed. She leaned over to me in a greeting, with a huge smile. Hers was a face I had seen every week for a few months now. Yesterday there was a relaxed look to it, in previous weeks there had been reserve and caution. She tapped me on the shoulder to ensure I was listening and said it, she said my name. Allie.

Sounds silly doesn't it, to be so excited to hear my name, sounds almost self centered, but let me fill you in as to why that moment touched me so deeply.

Children down here in the Bahamas are taught to address their elders as ma'am or sir. There is no deviation, and it appears to be strictly enforced. For all my months here in Bahamas I have been addressed by bag boys, young teens in restaurants and kids in school as ma'am. I really cannot stand it, I know it is protocol but to me it is a barrier which gets in the way of furthering any hope of building a friendship with the child.

As I get to know the kids I have had the following conversation repeatedly.

Ma'am.. (insert question here)

Yes, but call me Allie

Yes Ma'am.. question continues as originally stated... nothing changes.

But yesterday at church, it finally happened.

She came looking for me as I had not had a chance to greet her before church started. She came with the biggest most "happy to see me" smile I have ever seen. "Allie".

She said Allie.

I heard, "I feel comfortable with you"

She said Allie

I heard, "I trust you"

She said Allie

I heard myself think, "a friendship has begun"

She said Allie

I felt God give evidence of why I am here

Shine on my friends, build patiently the friendships in which God has intended you to Shine.

My Women of Faith

Last year I attended an amazing conference entitled Women of Faith. To be honest I was dragged there, I did not want to go, the last thing I wanted to be a part of was a huge weekend with other women. I expected that I would be faced with superficial lectures, staged worship performances and conversations filled with "Chrisitanese" (term for the language some can adopt to sound more spiritual than they are). What I expected and what God had planned were however polar opposite. It was my privilege to hear and grow from some amazing speakers. I found them sincere, open, more than honest and very easy to relate to. I saw myself in many of them and God made sure he used their stories and their passion for Christ to speak to me, in an amazing way.

I was in the end so very glad to have gone. I shared those 48 hours with some amazing women from my then church and it was a true joy to be broken, weep and grow in front of them. That was last year, before all my transitioning took place, before I ever knew I would be moving. As I look back over this tremendously difficult yet blessed year of decision and transition I am certain of one thing, God used that weekend to prepare my heart for Him, to learn to trust Him better and solidify who I am in Him, I am so glad I was "dragged" there.

This past weekend, most of those same women who attended Women of Faith last year went to the conference again. I, much to my dismay was not there, distance and money would prohibit my attendance. I watched with enthusiasm all the tweets of the many speakers and artists on twitter, I refreshed my Facebook way too often to see what my friends in attendance were saying. I prayed for them all, and all the women there. While I did not hear the conference or rock it out with Mandisa (my favourite worship artist whose lyrics and mimics that of my own heart) I was lifted by the experiences of My own Women of Faith, my friends. I now find myself missing them more than ever (you know who you are) and I want them to know that while I am quiet about it I am very very much thankful and in awe of who you are and How amazingly God has made you.

Next year I am realizing that the tour is in Florida, a short plane ride or long swim from my new home. I am very much looking forward to going, It would be a blessing to have all my women of Faith to be there, old and new, Toronto and Nassau, I would love nothing better than to unite all my Women of Faith at a conference for us all to celebrate and worship our Lord together.

Thanks for listening, I needed to get that out, if you are in my life you too are one of My women of faith and I am thankful for you.

Shine my Friends and Lord willing see you in Florida October 2011.

Unspoken Love

Sounds like a title of some Harlequin romance novel does it not? Permit me to be a bit flowery for this blog, for my heart is demanding it. Last night my family and I went to a friends house for a dinner in our honour and for the purpose of sending us off well. We were 5 couples in total. Five couples who have been together as friends for a very very long time. Some from my husbands camp days, some from our early married years (15+ years!!) and others honestly I cannot remember the moment we befriended them but it feels as though they have always been in our lives. These are friends who cry with us, pray with us and laugh (a lot with us). I adore them, I feel so comfortable with them, I love them.


Last night as we approached the venue, anxiety set in, questions flew around in my head. What if tonight is just about crying about the upcoming proximity changes to our friendships. What if I cannot keep it together and make my last moments with them for a while just a big blubbering mess? My thoughts kept flashing faster and faster and before I knew it we were there. I approached the door with my heart pounding knowing that this night will be special but would I be able to bear it?


We were welcomed with our usual hugs and then something amazing happened. We carried on as usual, there were some tears but mostly laughter about stupid things we, okay mostly I, have done there were questions about expectations, talk of our children, we even did what looked like a break out session as the women stayed in the living room to chat and the boys remained on the back porch around the BBQ. All things we do when we gather together for no special reason.


It was an ordinary evening in so many ways, yet I was in awe of the love that I felt surrounded me. See, as we went through the evening I began to notice so many signs of our unspoken love for one another. I would occasionally catch the eye of one them and notice a slight tear and a knowing smile that said you will be missed my friend. The lulls that happen in normal conversation were not one of the awkward silences that one would typically expect but instead those moments were filled with the silence of sobered hearts waiting for things to change. I have never been hugged or physically touched so much and I loved it.


But I said nothing. I could not speak of my heavy heart, I could not start my flow of tears I could not.. It is not that they are not allowed, if you know me you know I love emotions, it is not only my job as therapist it is my personality to encourage and live fully in the moment. So no, sadness was not banned or black listed I just put it aside last night on purpose. The purpose was to live fully in the moment with my friends and celebrate the amazing blessing they have been and I know they will continue to be in my life. I hope and pray they felt the message I brought with me last night, a message that was unspoken but loud. The message I want to speak was this:

I love you all, I celebrate you all and I cherish you all, thank you for your amazing friendships and I cannot wait to see how the distance we will soon incur will strength the bonds of our hearts.
You are God's blessing to me and I thank you for loving me like you do.

Shine on My Friends
Allie

8 Years and Beyond.

A week of celebrations, that is what I am calling this week. Most are calling them goodbyes, I am calling them celebrations. Today marks the biggest one yet. It is our last service at St.Giles Kingsway and The Well.



Bryn and I arrived in Etobicoke nearly 8 years ago. I was very pregnant with our soon to be daughter and we settled in quickly. The church, then just St.Giles Kingsway soon became our home. We met amazing friends we soon would call family and we fell in love with our community. Soon after the start of the The Well in September 2008, I knew that this was my place to be. To see God at work within our community. To see people of all ages becoming family, it was a special time. Just considering a transition away was impossible and honestly never crossed my mind.




All of that changed when Bryn was pursued by a church in Nassau. I would encourage you to read his story on that because it really is quite incredible, take a look at his blog entry entitled Preaching in Paradise part 2 . This forced me to consider life elsewhere, and to be honest I did put up a huge fight. I really did not want to go, to leave my career, to leave my church family and my community. No thanks I was quite content, I was sure God was just joking. Apparently not. Another day I will blog about all that God did in my heart and life to convince me of where He needed the MacPhails, but today is about celebrating.



Some would suggest that today we say Good bye, I say no way, remember I do not do goodbyes but I will celebrate our time together. Some would say we celebrate the ending of 8 years, I say we celebrate those 8 years and beyond. See being a Christian means that for me that is merely a continuation of a story (God`s story not just Allie`s story). It is not an ending, friendships will continue (even for those of you who think this is the end). The way I think of SGK and The Well as my family will continue, I might become more like that obscure Aunt you see only at Christmas but you will still be my family. God has used these 8 years to solidify who I am and who you are in my life, distance cannot change that. So I am choosing to celebrate today the 8 years I have been so blessed to have and I am celebrating the beyond. For beyond these 8 years are 8 more years to cherish what the Lord as given me here in Etobicoke. Please know you will forever be in my hearts and on my phone lines and in my guest room and in my email in box. You are forever my family.