Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My Ferocious Hallejuah Chorus.

I love my morning walks with my dog, Deegon, I get home from the gym or pool early enough to take her out before it gets too hot. At first my walk starts very quietly with only the birds chirping then I round the corner and the fun begins. I walk past my first neighbour dog, who begins what I have learned to appreciate as the dog's version of the hallelujah chorus. A lone voice starts it all, a howl or woof which is akin to the conductor tapping his music stand to ready his musicians for the performance. As I walk further the booming bass of a huge German Sheppard begins, followed closely by his yard mate a Potcake of medium build who adds to the rising voices with his sharp staccato bark firing pretty much to the beat. Later down the road I see and hear Labs, Great Danes, and yes even a Yorkie all bringing their distinct voices to the Dog Hallelujah chorus as Deegon and I continue our walk in our neighbourhood. I remember being quite afraid in my early days here in Nassau of these dogs, yes most are behind fences but they are all there to protect their home and masters and therefore in my mind are capable of manslaughter if they felt like it. Now, I walk past them, head held high to the beat of their ferocious chorus, no longer intimidated but now more entertained as the passing by of Deegon and myself are announced to the whole neighbourhood.


Today I loved it so much, I started singing along with great joy (in my head of course..I still have to pretend my sanity still exists). It was the strangest of worship services but one that was ferociously full of joy. What once was full of fear has turned to joy, I know it was only a morning walk, some amazing dogs and the hot streets of Nassau but today I was reminded of God's restorative joy. He alone can turn difficult and scary things into moments of joy, He alone can tame my heart, He has made me glad to be His in His world.



Shine on my friends Allie

Friday, April 9, 2010

Something from Nothing


Okay, today I have 7 different appointments to cover that are all in preparation for our leaving. Vets, dentists, doctors and finance.. crazy eh? (and yes I will continue to use if not increase my use of that truly Canadian saying.. so take off eh!) The weird thing is that I am kind of enjoying today's crazy schedule, it feels productive and while tiring, productive is helpful considering the massive task ahead of t moving countries. It is also a really good distraction from the huge lump in my throat and pit in my stomach, a distraction from what I describe as something like a fear. The truth is however, I am scared of nothing.. not that I do not have fears but that I am truly scared of doing nothing and being nothing. Nothing sometimes is what feels like is waiting for me in Bahamas. Here I am a therapist, Bahamas, nothing. Here I am part of a neighbourhood, there nothing, here I am a friend, there nothing.. Nothing nothing nothing.. I am scared. I know I will use my skills as a therapist somehow, I know I will become part of my neighbourhood, I know I will connect with new friends and I have no fear at losing the ones I have now..BUT that will be only with time. When all of that is taken away from me, in the first few days, weeks, and months what will be left? I pray that it is something. Something that for all the wrong reasons I have forgotten or pushed aside. Something that is so much a part of me that I perhaps took it for granted. Something that defines me as me, just as God intended.
One of the verses that has been a huge rock for me during all of this is Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. That is something, that is not nothing. It is just lacking concrete human details, and brilliant pictures of those wonderful plans. I guess I needed to blog about this as a way to remind myself that I do not need concrete plans, or easy visuals, I need faith and hope to be able to continue. I have those, and because I know God both creates and sustains, I know that I will find that something. the big thing for me right now is that I want to remember this lesson forever that the best something is just being His. Now that is something!